22nd December 2010
It seems that my heart pain has continued to persist even though I'm in perfect health.
Health check ups have shown that I'm 100% fine.
Princess, I never told you this in our conversations but, I am about to die.
Do you know why I'm calling you every night as if tonight is the last night I'll get to hear your voice?
Well princess, I'm afraid that its true that its almost the last night I get to hear your voice.
Time passes by too quickly, I don't have much time left.
Every night, I call you and talk you to sleep making sure everything's alright.
But do you know I cry myself to sleep thinking about you?
I want to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me.
I need to tell you that you are the world to me,
I wish to hold your hand and be all lovey dovey with you as we walk around the malls.
Be it Pavillion, Midvalley, KLCC or 1-Utama, with you by my side.
I'd be the proudest guy ever, with all the other jealous guys cursing me.
Why'd you tell me about the guys who liked you?
The guys who you liked.
Their height, their looks, their sports and how close you were to them.
I don't care about all that.
What's important is that I'm here and I love you.
I asked you, "Would you marry me?"
You said, "Maybe in your dreams."
But don't you know, that's what I dream of every night?
The heart pain which pierced me happens only at night, but lately its also happening in the morning, afternoon and evening.
I lie curled up on my bed and writhe in pain as I grab my pillow tightly.
My only comfort is my thoughts of you.
My breathing gets heavier as I struggle to leave my bed, grab my phone at the table and message you with smileys.
I'm glad to have lived for another day.
Happy to be in this world with you for another night.
Dear princess, the appointed time is near.
Have you forgotten the conditions of our punishment?
If I were to reunite with you and we undergo our angelic-baptism together, we would be allowed to be together forever.
If I were not able to win your heart, I would die on my 18th birthday and be reborn as an angel in heaven, completely devoid of my heart and memories.
Please save me from my nightmares princess, I cannot imagine a world or heaven without you.
Two halves make a whole, you are both halves of me.
Without you, I'd be empty.
All would be vanity if I were to return to heaven without you.
Love me tender princess, it wont be long until I'm gone.
They say loving someone is to wish for them to be happy even if its not with you.
But I'm no hero, I'm just me.
I don't want any other guy to touch you, to kiss you or to even glance at you.
I want to be the one who'd be waiting for you at the pulpit as your father leads you in and hands you over to me.
I want to hold you in my arms and call you mine as I put on your ring for you.
I want to say "I do" and kiss you even before the Pope says, "You may now kiss the bride."
The left fragment of my heart was really glad when you were excited and encouraged me to go study in Germany.
My only guess is you find German-speaking guys attractive huh?
Your change in tone as I asked you, "What would happen if we were at home and I suddenly splurt out some German?" was priceless.
You are so innocent and pure.
Calling you anything less than an angel would taint you name.
The right fragment of my heart curled up in its corner at the thought of being halfway across the world from you.
Even being in the same country and same state.
If we're not together holding each other, even if you were five centimetres away from you, my heart would start aching for you.
All my dreams, aspirations and plans of us being together.
Even if you find it as a joke as I told you in our conversations.
I'm sorry princess, I might not be able to fulfill it anymore.
I'll never lie to you princess, but it seems telling you I'm fine and talking to you about the countries I might be going would be the first time I ever lied to you.
Perhaps the only ever other time I lied to you was when you asked me "Who are you?"
and I said, "Your knight."
Because I'm actually the other half that makes up the shape of love.
I am "Uriel, the guardian to your heart."
I am not just your knight, but also your guardian and blanket.
I'll protect you, guard you and keep you warm at night.
85 days left until I die as a mortal and leave you.
I'm sorry to break our promise.
I never want to leave you, so please love me back.
My heart beats for you, does yours beat for mine?
Good bye Ariel.
I'll always love you.
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